camp crusty v. al qaeda
Excuse Me While Brant Hanson Single-Handedly Neutralizes Al-Qaeda
Brant is one of the funniest prophetic-subversives around. Here he takes ideas from The Forgotten Ways (chapter on Organic Systems), makes them sing, and then applies them to taking Al-Qaeda out….
Alan Hirsch, in his book, points out that Al-Qaeda is almost impossible to stop. This is, in large part, due to the way its message works, and the way the work gets carried out. And he’s absolutely right.
So, in the service of national defense, I propose the following, in order to effectively neutralize the movement. Let’s get Al-Qaeda to…
1) Complexify the message
Right now, it’s so simple, it can pass from one to the next, and be easily grasped by the uneducated, the young — everyone. This is dangerous, because it’s highly contagious, and people on the street feel capable of enlisting others in the cause.
2) Construct a less “flat”, more hierarchical structure
Currently, small, underground groups can move nimbly and autonomously, complicating efforts to thwart them. A more regimented, stratified approach, where some members are left thinking, “I can’t know enough to do anything” would bring the movement to a halt.
3) Foster “expert” culture, and barriers to entry to the expert class
Promote the idea that the message is not only highly complex, but only some can truly understand it. Construct extensive barriers to entry to the presumed expert class. Promote idea that cells lacking a certified member of expert class, it is not equipped to be activated.
4) Focus on knowledge, rather than doing
Complexification and expert-class development will make cells spend immense amounts of time studying the work, even debating theories of the work, rather than doing it. Better yet…
5) Equate STUDYING the work with the work itself
The cells are called to ACT, of course. But if we can convince operatives that the work, itself, is in trying to understand the complexity of the work? They’ll be effectively neutered. We need to get them to spend large amounts of time in study, gathering to study, believing they don’t know enough, hiring new experts to teach them again and again, and attending teaching events.
They’ll actually believe they’re doing their work when they attend events held by experts. This will render the cell, and the whole movement, harmless! Convince them that the most radicalized, militant among them are merely called to bring other non-activated members to the cell events.
6) Sabotage cell multiplication
VERY important! Cells that operate under simple principles, with motivated operatives, devoted to multiplication? Very, very dangerous, fast-growing, and pop-culture endangering. We must stop this in its tracks, and this is done in multiple ways:
- Foster egos and small-time celebrity. By convincing operatives to set up individual fiefdoms, fewer autonomous cells will be activated. Rather, the emphasis will be on building larger individual cells with numerous unactivated members.
- Make the basic structure highly difficult to replicate. Al-Qaeda cells currently are, by necessity, simply-structured and easily replicated. Propagate idea that for cells to begin, planning, experts and capital must be simultaneously accumulated. Expert motivational speakers will be necessary, plus paid staff with highly specific training and talents. Operatives will see massively “successful” large cells, and attempt to duplicate them, with very limited success because of the huge inputs required. This will greatly inhibit growth.
- Convince philosophically-aligned, but non-active, members to choose from among most entertaining, high quality, cells that offer services for them. Not only will this engender a harmless, internal focus, it will require IMMENSE amounts of resources and energy.
7) Make operatives really, really busy.
Replace simple, animating mission with lengthy lists, charts, and programs for cell maintanance. Convince them that this institutional maintenance is, actually, the mission, itself.
This will leave them will no actual time for conducting actual mission.
8.) Get Al-Qaeda to seek governmental approval.
Offer tax incentives if necessary. The larger cells, requiring large edifices, will also require tremendous amounts of capital. This will also allow a measure of control, to threaten the cell’s tax status, thereby threatening funds for internal programs, when necessary.
Better: They’ll consider actual operational cells that exist without this governmental approval to be, themselves, invalid!
9) Co-opt Al-Qaeda with the larger culture.
Once members are convinced that cell maintenance and study are actually their “mission”, the rest of their lives can be harmlessly integrated with the culture at large. They’ll be indistinguishable from non-members, and, because of their new understanding of “mission”, effectively equivalent to non-members.
10) Convince members to wear Al-Qaeda t-shirts with funny sayings and stuff.
Mission accomplished.
It’ll work to thwart an evil message. It even works with the good ones.
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Excellent post!
…priceless! Don’t forget the coffee mugs and beer jugs in addition to the t-shirts.
Priceless, indeed!
Say, this sounds like something Wormwood would be hearing from his crusty old uncle Screwtape….
dont forget.
11. they stop using freely distributed information online and start producing tapes and DVD teaching series that are available to buy as well as books… we cant have them distributing the message for free.
Oh, they can distribute the message for free, as long as its via cringe worthy tracts or bland bulletins.
And set up a competition where the ego of the leadership is fed when one cell is the biggest in their area. Even better if it is based on the budget of the cell that does not translate into action…
This is funny, insightful and scathing– brilliant, really.
There is a tension inherent in it, though that needs to be pointed out– and that Alan points out well in the book.
Christianity isn’t just about the spread of a message and an action plan– it’s also about a different way of life for a distinct community (or a whole series of distinct communities linked by the Spirit and relationships/mission they engage with each other).
#9, if we’re to take it seriously, points to that. The default position for any social group, or any part of any system, is to conform to the systems in which it finds itself. There’s tremendous pressure exerted by those systems to create that conformity. It takes serious effort to learn, not just notionally but practically, how to live differently if one is going to practice discipleship to Jesus as participants in his system, God’s kingdom.
And not just effort– time.
And not just time and effort, but commitment.
And that implies some serious degree of intentional formation.
It’s not that the message of the gospel itself is all that complex. It’s that the competition from other messages, especially the default messages of our cultures, is often so intense that we really have to cultivate SOME degree of expertise in both knowledge AND practices (worship, prayer, how to see God’s kingdom at work in a particular place, how to join that work, how to talk about these things, among others). The deal is that the deep level of expertise expected should be invested in EVERYONE who participates in the life of the church– not just a few.
Going back to a comment I made on an earlier thread about open source software development…
There IS a need for experts. In open source development these are the very small group of core developers. Their job is to ensure that the core DNA isn’t altered substantially, and that the core itself works and can be built on. You don’t need many of these people– but they are absolutely essential, else you quickly get forked projects that become unsustainable. Seems to me this corresponds to some degree with the Teacher role that Alan describes in his APEST paradigm.
Seems to me, too, that this is partly why James tells us not many should aspire to be teachers. Core developers don’t control what developers develop– they just make sure that what they develop is developed on a stable platform. Their gift is that stable platform.
These teachers DO need perhaps even deeper formation than others do– or at least formation in a different way that others. We mustn’t neglect that either. But to link that formation with control of the life of the community– that’s the fatal flaw. That’s where we start making communities irreplicable. As any open source developer knows, you get too many core developers, and the ability to refine and support even the core, on which everything else depends, grinds to a halt.
Peace in Christ,
Taylor Burton-Edwards
A good moderate voice among all the hotheads Taylor!
In so many ways you are right. The problem is that we need structure to make the thing last, but that structure will eventually block the very thing it was set up to protect. Part of the fallen human experience I am afraid.
Ok. So I’ve studied psychology a bit. Here’s what we do:
We pay al quaeda to terrorize.
No? Try this on for size. This experiment has been replicated over and over again in multiple cultures: A bunch of bullies are consistently throwing stuff at a guy’s shop. He has tried everything to discourage them, but it only seems to strengthen their resolve, and amuses them endlessly. So one day, he comes up with the idea to pay them to throw stuff at his shop. They’re happy, thinking that their luck has never been better. But then a few weeks later, he cuts their pay. They don’t like it much, but they keep throwing stuff. A few weeks later he cuts it again. Then again every couple weeks until one day, he stops paying them at all. And suddenly they go away, citing better things to do.
Reverse psychology, I guess. But it works. What do you think?
maybe we could divert a % of offering funds from established churches to a new government endorsed “anti-AQ” fund, which would pay for the training to help them organise themselves into something like what’s outlined above… there could be incentives for how well they meet each of the key learning areas… what do you think?
if america started it, australia would certainly fall into line as it seems our government copy everything they do!
as it would be tied to the churches, they could use it a missional drawcard… i.e. come to our service; we protect you from osama!
man this could really go somewhere!
Bang on target post - I’ve used it in my blog entry.
Thanks for putting this up.
Blessings,
Eleanor
Penzance
Congratulations Al on getting your blog listed on the homeland security watch list
If you go missing without warning we will know where to look
Hey, I’m trying to take them out here!!!
How not to do church……
I’ve been reading blogs again (yay!) and rediscovered one, and found a new one that were both talking about similar things in different ways.
Glenn Innes muses on an Einstein quote “The kind of thinking that will solve the world’s pr…